⚠️ Gentle Content Note
This post touches on tender core beliefs many of us carry, such as “I’m unworthy” or “I’m unlovable.” Reading may stir feelings. Please go at your own pace, pause when needed, and return only if and when it feels supportive.
There are moments in therapy, or even in everyday life, when something long hidden suddenly rises to the surface. A thought, a memory, or a belief so sharp and heavy it takes your breath away:
“I’m unworthy.”
“I’m unlovable.”
“I’ll always be broken.”
If you’ve ever had this experience, you know how consuming it can feel. The body reacts- chest tight, throat closed, stomach heavy. And you may be left wondering what to do next.
I want to begin here: when a belief like this surfaces, it doesn’t mean you are broken. It means that a part of you, often one that has been carrying pain for a very long time, trusts you enough to show what it has been holding.
From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) lens, we all have many “parts.” Some carry wounds, some work hard to protect us from those wounds, and others help us manage daily life. When a part carries a belief such as “I don’t matter” or “I’m not enough,” that belief is not who you are. It is a burden the part picked up in moments of hurt, neglect, or rejection.
Parts often keep their burdens hidden because they fear overwhelming you. But in certain moments, perhaps in therapy, in relationship, or even in the quiet of life, a part may decide it’s time to let you know what it has been holding. This isn’t regression. It is a sign of trust.
When a part speaks its burden, the belief can feel like the whole truth. Shame or perfectionism may rush in. The invitation is not to fix, argue with, or exile the part, but simply to be with it in a compassionate way.
Sometimes it helps to gently remind yourself: “A part of me feels unworthy,” instead of “I am unworthy.” That small shift creates space for you to be present. You might silently acknowledge: “I see how hard you’ve worked to hold this.” You can turn toward it with compassion: “Of course you feel this way. Thank you for showing me.”
Simple grounding gestures such as a hand on your heart, feet pressing into the floor or a steady breath, can help both you and the part remember: We are here now. Writing the belief down can also create a resting place for it: “A part of me carries the belief that…” followed by the reminder: “This is not all of me.”
Sometimes a part shares its burden at the very end of a therapy session, leaving little time to explore. That can feel raw. If this happens, let your therapist know. It’s important the part isn’t left alone with its burden. And if this happens outside therapy, remember: you don’t have to resolve the belief right away. It is enough to acknowledge it and hold it with care until there is more space.
When a part carrying a painful belief surfaces, it is not a failure, and it is not proof the belief is true. It is a sign of courage; a part trusting you enough to show what it has been holding in silence.
Your role is not to exile or debate with the belief. Your role is to notice, acknowledge, and bring compassion to it. One breath. One hand on your heart. One quiet phrase of understanding.
🌸 You are not the belief. You are the one who can meet it with care.