One of my favorite skills in DBT is the STOP Skill. Giving yourself the freedom to not react or respond immediately when something activates you can feel like a superpower. It’s the ability to find your calm after being hit by emotional thunder.
In DBT, the acronym STOP stands for Stop, Take a step back, Observe, Proceed mindfully.
In practice, this might look like walking away if you can’t find words at the moment, or simply saying, “I need a minute before I can respond.” This pause is not avoidance; it’s awareness. You’re taking time to notice what’s happening around you and, more importantly, what’s happening inside of you, before moving forward.
In this post, I want to go deeper into the Observe part of the STOP Skill and share some ways you can stay in observation, even briefly.
The Courage to Observe
Observing or leaning into what’s happening inside is not easy. It takes practice. For many of us, we’ve developed strong protector parts that help us navigate life by staying in our heads, thinking, analyzing, making sense of everything.
Thinking can be such an effective shield. We can talk and think with great insight, yet when things slow down or get quiet, what bubbles up underneath can feel uncomfortable or even frightening. So what do we do? We get busy. We move. We think more.
At some point in our lives, this worked. It kept us safe. It helped us survive. But many of us never slowed down enough again to ask if it’s still working.
Sometimes, we even realize that something about this pattern isn’t helping us anymore, that we’re ready to live differently, but that thought comes with a mountain of reflection, unpacking, and maybe therapy. It can feel too big, too unknown. So we do what we’ve always done: we keep going. Keep thinking. Keep moving. Keep surviving.
The Invitation
If any part of this feels familiar, consider this your gentle invitation to pause, just for a moment and observe. You don’t have to fix or change anything right away. Simply notice. Notice your breath, your posture, your heartbeat, your thoughts trying to rush in.
This small act of awareness is the beginning of change.
Because every time you STOP and go inward, you’re teaching your system that stillness doesn’t have to be unsafe. That you can be with yourself, even for a few seconds, without running away. And that is where healing begins.